Saturday, January 7, 2012


RAGE. A basic human behavior. A normal thing for a human being. Over "rage". Something that is not good. Something that we must avoid. Why? Because it can affect the others. Recently, I've being RAGE. I don't know what in the world has happened for me to get ENRAGED. Am I grumpy? Is that a sign that I'm getting older or become "malfunction" in my brain? *sigh*...I guess I'm not that perfect at all.

Yeah, everyone not perfect. At least they tried to become one. Why? Because if you have someone to care about, someone to be love, then you'll know what is meant to be "perfect". Alhamdulillah, for me I finally found someone to love. Yes, I love her so much. Although there's a lot of "nuisance", challenges, barrier, the so-called "wall" before this, we managed to overcome it all. I'm not saying it was over, even more and more of it will come to us.

Yes. Sometimes in any relationship there is a problem arise. Externally and internally. I won't worry the externally. I'm more worried about the internally. Yes. Internally. For this, I've come to one conclusion. Everybody have their own the so-called, "split-personality". Everyone has. Including me. To others, this thing mere like a "joke" or "rubbish". But believe me it's true. I for once kept denying that fact. Now all the fact turns against me. I'm a "bloody-hot-tempered" person. Yes. I am.

I keep searching the other part of me. The used to be cheerful, smiling, easy-going and funny me. I'm not saying (again) that I have lost the traits. It's still part of me. But I don't know. I just don't know. I'm so myself. Maybe I'm confused. Maybe I'm lost. Maybe I'm depressed. Who knows? Only me.

Much has happened during the last 2 months before we celebrate the beginning of 2012. The most sadden to me was the lost of my beloved father in 25 November. It was a shocked! Like a heavy punch straight to my face! I admit, that's the main reason for my "up and down" mood. I felt lost...empty. Until now, I still couldn't accept the fate. I still feel the "presence" of my dad. His voice, his shadow, his last memories...father...I missed you a lot. Forgive me for being rude, for being disobeyed from my early years until I lost you.

Alas, life must goes on. Now, another "inner" problem has arise. The so-called "family-feud". I just don't get it why it must happen. For me, it's a stupid thing. Stupid enough to carried away. I only can shake my head on this. From a simple case to bigger one! "Blood is thicker than water?" Yeah right. I can't wait to see if it's true.

At this very moment, the rain fall outside...I guess it call for me to stop rambling. *sigh*...


MiNNiESyah said...

It's easy to get upset when life doesn't go our way. bad days, overtired n overworked. n death of a loved one is da most painful experience, i know. but i hope it doesn’t rain all love. may you find ur other self. n whatever u a gud one! i love u.

BOAN said...

insya-Allah. i'll try. pray for both of us :)

Coffee Girl said...

Hey! :-) *Tumpang lalu* Sorry to hear about your father, my condolences. all things considered, it will turn out for the better. You have someone who loves you back after all. That's one good thing in life that nothing can ruin, not even a bad day. Glad to see you blogging again. :-)

BOAN said...

thanks coffee girl. yeah, when u have someone that u love&care, nothing else matter. also when u have a good friend such as u ;)as the blogging thing, it's more like expression of life.